I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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