is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
