I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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