ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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