Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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