I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize