i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
