you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
