If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
