god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
