I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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