His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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