i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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