Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
His nipple licking is glorious
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