I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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