After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
