Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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