Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
