don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
