I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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