You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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