First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
