I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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