i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
as a side note pls kill me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
