apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
