the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
