am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
