Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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