STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
