I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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