So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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