I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
