she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
