What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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