SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
