you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
