so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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