So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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