Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
