I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
