I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
