i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
