Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
