Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
