I accidentally burped into my bong.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
