glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
