You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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