would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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