that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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