toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
