Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
