just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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