Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
