ugly people sure do ruin things
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
