i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
