apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
