I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
