people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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