are you still at the devil's house?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
