I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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