Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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