Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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