it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
