Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
