clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
