I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
third nipple confirmed
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
