so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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