I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
