Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
