I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
