I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize