She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
