We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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