tell your sister to shave her snatch
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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