I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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