just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
