Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I heard we made out
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
