you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
