Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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