I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's blow job season.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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