So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
