took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize