Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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