You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
