Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
