What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
