just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
