see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize