I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
